learn how to dance in three easy steps

(new writer!: sam silver)

Saturday, February 9th:
Apes and Androids, Sigmund Droid, DJ Dirty Dick Kliegman

Eclectic, 9pm, $3

Step one: "The Robot"
We've all had the very same dream. It's the future, the people of earth (and the Apes and Androids, left) now live on an enormous spaceship (you too! you're human!). It's nearly 9pm, and you've yet to have space-dinner. Wandering into the Cafe del Space you sit down in the same worn-out 1950's style red vinyl dining booth you haunt each night. You order a space root beer, because it's the only thing on the menu, and that band is playing again. The one with the monkeys in robot costumes, or robots in monkey costumes - you can't differentiate. The internet (myspace) has suggested that they were genetically engineered in the 1980's: their voices from David Bowie, their harmonies from Queen, stuffed inside a bleepy bloopy rock'em sock'em 22nd century robot coordinated enough to express complex thoughts through dance. You sip away at your space root beer, nodding your head. The internet is pretty much always right.

Apes and Androids: Nights of the Week

Step two: "The Freudian Slip"
Whoops! That was a close one. Looks like you still need to brush up on those dancing skills. How about some drum 'n bass to get you back on your feet? Not so fast, says Sigmund Droid (right). Though they may be comprised of a drum and a bass, this dirty duo won't be mashing your ears in with none of them new-fangled drum may-sheens. Instead, they'll do it with some self-styled rowdy electro Brit-punk, straight outta the time someone made a pub out of their garage. Have a pint of music, aka myspace, on them, here.

Sigmund Droid: Liverpool Sluts

Step three: "The Disco"

DJ Dirty Dick Kliegman (left) sometimes DJs parties in NYC dubbed "UNCLEAN UNCLEAN". DJ Dirty Dick seems to be working on a film entitled "BODYBUILDER ISLAND". DJ Dirty Dick perhaps could once be found cruising in disco clubs in Miami, wearing a tight shirt and a gold chain. DJ Dirty Dick maybe, just maybe, was once doing local bar mitzvahs at a low point in his career. DJ Dirty Dick would like you to dance tonight, courtesy of his own fresh beats. So do so. Just please, please wear protection.

Due to a lack of financing, there will be a $3 charge at the door.

Some perspective: that is not a whole lot of cash. The War in Iraq is running us about $492 billion currently, and can you dance to that? Hardly. Almost $2 billion were spent this year on The War on Drugs, and does that help anyone have fun? Pretty much no. If you look at the $:fun ratio of those $3 as compared to the $494 billion (!) described, your choice is clear. Check your pockets for loose bills, support live music, and don't pay taxes.


MUSIC // DANCE // IS BEAUTIFUL